Smile?

Smile?
(Mike Wheatley)
When was the last time I shared a true smile?
I don't even know, but I know it's been a while.
I've got this dark cloud that's hovering over my head,
It is depression and sometimes it makes me wish I were dead.
I take handfuls of pills to drive this pain away...I think.
“This is the end, it's not worth it”

So with a blade I cut and I watch the blood flow into the sink.
Look into the mirror and watch as my soul escapes from my eyes.
Hoping that this...THIS IS the day that I die.
Then I am found by someone who dearly loves me...my wife
Taken to a hospital in every hope just to save my life.
I am brought back, my wounds...sewn closed,
Now all my deep secrets have been exposed.
Depression, anxiety and PTSD, I have been diagnosed;
Normal is what I am expected to be like this I suppose.
No one understands my mind, not a single person knows,
what is in my mind...what comes, what goes.
Haunted by the deaths of the soldiers once that I did know,
Images of their faces showing in my like a picture show.

 Warm smiles that will only be seen again, on cold dry paper.
On the pamphlets handed out at the memorials, reminding us of their loving character.
Heads are bowed, tears flowing; taps are played, soldiers thinking "this isn't fair".
So when was the last time, a true smile from me was shared?
When laugher from these fallen brothers were felt and shared.
The pain of loss isn't something that one should ever feel;
it is a type of pain that is completely unreal.
This is why my life I wanted ended, I thought was certainly a good deal,
because at least then the pain...I wouldn't have to feel.
But...this pain, I still feel and it’s something I have to deal.
Taking my own life isn't something that is to be an option,
Loss...is life, but is not the end of life, however deep the depression.
Please my friends take this as a lesson.
Keep your heads up and continue to stay strong, this is not the end.
This is the beginning of something bright something new.
There are people in your life who truly deeply love you.